Exactly like what Yen Le described in her essay, I grew up in the extra protection from my parents since i was a girl. My mother used to cried and said that she was so sad having two girls without a son. She was afraid that we would grow up to have a difficult life. I was taught to keep my virginity till the day of marriage. And that virgin idea was important to society in comparison to Western girl. In fact, it was used as stereotype to implant the must to Vietnamese women as superior or better than white girl if she obeys and keep her virginity.
That amount of understanding about traditional women role in a Vietnamese family really didnt help me at all. It made me feel the responsibility of pleasuring everyone else. The deep sadness often visit me whenever someone criticize my doing. When i first came to live with my in law, i had to wake up early in the morning, clean up the house, prepare breakfast and serve the family. The chores went on and on during the day. However, no matter what i did, i had never satisfied them. Every weekend, i was called out on a table to hear the criticize of all family members. I was exhausted by questioning the women role. So if i did everything, why everyone was not happy? How much is enough?
So It wasnt being a good decent Vietnamese girl that will bring me happiness, appreciation and respect. I was lost and unable to give myself an identity to seeking happiness. I was taught that going to club wasnt a behavior of a decent woman. I couldnt go to dance and enjoy myself like many women i know. They are so outgoing and happy, while i am too tight up and unable to loosen myself. I find myself unable to fitting in with white men, yet i couldnt find myself being with a traditional Vietnamese guy with his family. I couldnt take off the culture coat that acts as my skin, but rebelled and doubt it? Where is my position in America?
It isnt an easy fix. I understand that i need to find the answer for myself. The answer for my identity, and also my responsibility to careful tend and raise this identity for my daughter who was born in America. And of course, that identity wont carry the self value merely on the virginity nor the labor works.
By Thanh Hai Do
Work Cited:
Yen Le Espiritu, "We Don't Sleep around like White Girls Do": Family, Culture, and Gender in Filipina American Lives, Signs , Vol. 26, No. 2 (Winter, 2001), pp. 415-440
Published by: The University of Chicago Press
Article Stable URL: http://www.jstor.org/stable/3175448